Mental Cleanse Chapter 12 Part one

Have you ever had a childhood experience that was
relatively insignificant in the overall scheme of life
and it just keeps popping into your conscious mind
and you wonder why?

It’s an experience that was pretty significant at the
time, but it really doesn’t seem worthy of continuing
to think about it at all.  It’s over, it’s long gone, no
body got hurt…let it go!  Well, this week, I’ve become
aware of the fact that it’s over, it’s long gone…but
maybe someone did get hurt…me.

I read this chapter right after last week’s mental
cleanse call——-normally I wouldn’t get the new
chapter read until Monday or Tuesday of the next
week.  I’ve read this chapter many times in years
past, and a time or two since being in this group.
But this time was different…the first two paragraphs
wouldn’t let go of me…

Dr. Hill said, “The subconscious mind consists of
a field of consciousness, in which EVERY impulse
of thought that reaches the objective mind through
any of the five senses, is classified and recorded,
and from which thoughts may be recalled or with
drawn as letters may be taken from a filing cabinet.

It receives, and files, sense impressions or thoughts,
regardless of their nature.  You may VOLUNTARILY
plant in your subconscious mind any plan, thought,
or purpose which you desire to translate into its
physical or monetary equivalent.

The subconscious acts first on the dominating
desires which have been mixed with emotional
feeling, such as faith.”

So as I kept getting yanked back to these two
paragraphs and pondering what Dr. Hill was telling
me, I realized that the childhood experience that
kept coming back to my conscious thoughts 43
years after the fact was just like Dr. Hill said…it
was just as if the experience was filed away in
my mind at age 10 and for some odd reason, I
kept pulling that “folder” out of the file cabinet
of my mind with some regularity over the years–
not really dwelling on it, but just pulling the
“classified and recorded” file out of my “mind
cabinet” and leaving it lay on my desk of life for
a bit and then I’d file it away again and wouldn’t
give it another thought for a period of time.

Then, without warning, I’d find myself pulling that
same thought file out of my mind cabinet again.
I could never figure out why.

Another experience that flies out of the “file
cabinet” of my mind has tapped me on the
shoulder with a little more regularity through
out my adult life.  To put it bluntly, I’ve always
had an underlying distrust of most women–an
uncomfortable feeling when I had to be around
a group of women or even in a conversation that
lasted very long with one woman.

I’ve always believed it was because I got married
when I was very young; I had three children by
the time I was 25 years old–I was busy; I grew
up on the farm…my mother never taught me to
be a shop-a-holic with your girlfriends; I never
had a group of girlfriends that I hung out with
other than at school…yadda, yadda, yadda!

I’ve always believed most women were judg
mental and critical and controlling and my
instincts were always focused on: do what
you’ve got to do and get out.

And I functioned that way in my life being a
very active mother of three children all involved
in many school activities; an active church life;
and a full time career for over 25 years.

Oh, I could function and participate quite
successfully on the surface, but at age 53
now, I could definitely count on one hand
with several fingers left over, the number of
women I have really trusted over my lifetime.

In fact, as I’m trying to remember who they
are, I think I may have 4 or 5 fingers left over
as I count them.  But I never really experienced
that same anxiety and apprehension around men.

I’ve always wondered if I was some kind of real
weirdo or something because I just never ever
felt any kind of girlfriend comraderie going on
in any circle of friends–I just would not let my
self get that close to anyone.  And “being very
busy” always gave me that excuse I needed to
“escape” when I wanted to.

On May 13th, Richard Dennis’ Tuesday skills
call on marketing was about a chapter called
“Giving Up Resistance” from a book by John
Gray titled “How to Get What You Want and
Want What You Have”.

As Richard was sharing this chapter, a few key
points were grabbing me.  After the call, I ran
upstairs to my vast library of self-help books
and there it was on the shelf.  I turned to re-
read the chapter Richard just shared on the
call.

John Gray said, “By linking present negative
feelings to past situations, you can relive your
past and enrich it with your more mature and
loving perspective.  When you were a child,
you were dependent on your parents to know
the truth.

As an adult, you can go back to experience
the feelings you had as a child and make
corrections.  As children, we did not have
fully developed brains capable of reasonable
thought.

At that fragile age, we formed beliefs that were
incorrect, yet they continue to shape and mold
our lives  Although we can’t change the past,
we can change the beliefs we formed.

We can reevaluate what happened and how
we felt.  Our limited and incorrect beliefs can
be corrected by going back and revisiting the
past and using certain processing techniques
described in another chapter.”

I’ve read both of these books before…this one
and “Think and Grow Rich”…I’ve read them
both more than once…I’m green…they’re all
highlighted and have notes in the margins.

As is said…”when the student is READY,
the ‘teacher’ appears.”

This week, I became aware of my 10-year-
old perspective of an emotional experience
when I accidentally overheard my mother
telling my father, “Oh, for pete’s sake…
she thinks she’s bleeding to death!” .

…after I woke her up in the middle of the
night scared to death about the mess that
had awakened me.  I don’t remember any
thing that my mother said to me as she
came to help me; I only remember what I
heard her saying to my dad as I approached
their bedroom door to say something else
to her–I don’t remember what that was either.

And as I sit here writing this at age 53, the
tears are pouring down my cheeks, partly
out of sadness for how I felt then, partly
out of anger for how it’s likely played into
my misperception about trust over the
years; and partly out of sheer joy that I
can now understand the connection and
relativity of it all.

I can now see a 10-year-old child who did
not know that Moms and Dads talk about
EVERYTHING and what appeared to be
total betrayal of my most private experience
in a way that felt like judgment and criticism
and mockery were all filed away in my 10-
year-old file cabinet of my subconscious.

They weren’t given adult labels at that point,
but likely were labeled as hurt, embarrasment,
fear, and the fact that I shouldn’t have trusted
my mom with my “secrets”–my most private
moment of my life up to that point.  And all of
that was definitely steeped with emotion for
me and as Dr. Hill said, “the subconscious
acts first on the dominating desires which
have been mixed with emotional feeling.”

So, now that the “Teachers” have appeared
because the “Student” is ready, I have been
back over it all this week with my adult “eyes”
and can re-write the story at age 10 the way
I SHOULD have filed it away in my sub
conscious mind with emotions of:  love,
understanding, compassion, appreciation
of my 10-year-old concerns, comfort,
reassurance, specialness, respect, support,
caring, bonding, and joy to welcome my
womanhood into being.

And rewriting that story, I believe, has changed
my life from this week forward.  I’ve cried over
what’s needlessly been lost and I smile about
my mom’s continued lack of patience with my
“green personality”, but I rejoice over the fact
that I am learning to know and love me…may
be for the first time in my life.

It’s an ongoing journey, but thanks to Michael
and Linda’s belief in me, and Sarah’s belief in
me, and the awesome support and love that
this group gives to everyone, I am beginning
to see the light at the end of the tunnel where
the success curve starts turning upward and
I know that if I keep VOLUNTARILY planting
my positive desires in my subconscious mind
through my self-talk, the MFF Recipe, stay
“close to the fire”–the MFF calls which is the
best campfire in the Universe, this business
and personal growth journey can take only
the road called “Success”.

Thank You, Michael and Linda, and Master
Mind friends for blessing me with your presence.
You are changing lives…and I appreciate you
so much!!